Day 157 - Who is it?

What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet?

“Supplies!”

 

 

Day 156 - I'm Gonna Jump!

If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Day 155 - Mad, I Tell You

Two cows are sitting in a field, and one says to the other, “So, how about that mad cow disease? Scary stuff, right?”

The other replies, “Terrifying. But what do I care? I’m a helicopter.”

Day 154 - That's a Tongue Twister

Sam and Michelle lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual except for one thing: she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag. The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

 After a couple of weeks Michelle said, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?” Sam hadn't and said so.

Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.”

 Well, the plan went off without a hitch and Michelle was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to Sam and then leave. Sam then walked up the beach and met Michelle at the road.

“Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.

“No, she's not,” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well, what is it then? What does she do?” Michelle fairly shrieked.

Sam grinned and said, “She's a battery salesperson.”

“Batteries?” she cried.

“Yes.” he replied.

 (PLEASE SCROLL DOWN)

 

 

 

 

 (OOOOH! You're going to dislike me for this, but it will make your day!)

 

 

 “She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!”

 

 

 

Day 153 - Damn Hipsters...again

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

It’s a really obscure number, you’ve probably never heard of it.

Day 152 - Wearing The Pants

George had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be The Man Of Your House."

He stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, Marie, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

 

Marie replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess.”

 

 

Day 151 - Too Much Pepper

As Joanne was cooking a meal, she was using herbs and spices to kick the taste up a notch. One of the spices tickled her nose and she sneezed.
Jake said, "Bless you!"

Joanne replied, "Thanks, must be seasonal allergies."