Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Day 126 - What??

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Day 125 - So Says Science

Saw a new band tonight. They were called "Prevention."  They were better than "The Cure."

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Day 124 - Joke Grammar

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


To Who?

No, no, no, it’s “to whom?”

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Day 123 - I Don't Want To Know

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when you use a feather...
perverted is when you use the whole chicken.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Day 122 - It's All A Lie

Today I changed a lightbulb

and then I crossed the road

and walked into a bar…

and then I realized that my entire life was a joke.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Day 120 - That's Quite a Horse

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

“Nice bike,” the cop said, “Did Santa bring it to you?”

“Yes Sir,” the little girl said, “he sure did!”

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, “Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!”

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, “Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?”

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, “Yes, he sure did!”

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa; The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Day 119 - Damn Skippy

What if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?

They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought practical gifts.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Day 117 - The First One

What Christmas song is hidden in the alphabet:
        A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z?

Noel (No "L")

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Friday, December 20, 2013

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Day 114 - Or Maybe Harold Be His Name?

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Monday, December 16, 2013

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Day 110 - Knit One, Drop Two

Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?

They are always dropping their needles.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Day 108 - An Inn? Try the Four Seasons.

Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling for reservations.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Day 107 - Icy Hot

What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?

An ice burger with chili sauce.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Day 106 - That's Cold

If Frosty the Snowman married a vampire, what would they name their child?


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Monday, December 9, 2013

Day 104 - Breaking and Shopping

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge.

"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the defendant.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Day 99 - Dasher or Prancer?

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
"Looks like rain, dear."

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Sunday, December 1, 2013