A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one
year and out the other.
After spending my 33rd year writing haikus everyday, I have decided to spend my 34th year sharing jokes to help bring some laughter into people's lives.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Day 123 - I Don't Want To Know
What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you use a feather...
perverted is when you use
the whole chicken.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Day 122 - It's All A Lie
Today I changed a lightbulb
and then I crossed the road
and walked into a bar…
and then I realized that my entire life was a joke.
and then I crossed the road
and walked into a bar…
and then I realized that my entire life was a joke.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Day 120 - That's Quite a Horse
A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when
a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
“Nice bike,” the cop said, “Did Santa bring it to you?”
“Yes Sir,” the little girl said, “he sure did!”
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5
ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, “Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector
light on the back of it!”
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, “Nice horse
you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?”
Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
“Yes, he sure did!”
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next
year tell Santa; The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Day 119 - Damn Skippy
What if it had been three Wise Women instead of three
Wise Men?
They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped
deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought practical
gifts.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Day 117 - The First One
What Christmas song is hidden in the alphabet:
A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z?
Noel (No "L")
A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z?
Noel (No "L")
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Day 114 - Or Maybe Harold Be His Name?
The TV game show was really
close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant
gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph
and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain
Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
Day 108 - An Inn? Try the Four Seasons.
Did you hear
about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and
Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of
the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling
for reservations.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
Day 104 - Breaking and Shopping
It was Christmas and the
judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged
with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the defendant.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the defendant.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Friday, December 6, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Monday, December 2, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
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