Day 192 - Sold Separately

I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either.

Day 191 - Ouch

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Day 190 - Not Sponge Bob

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Day 189 - Extra Spicy

What does a nosey pepper do?

Get jalapeño business.

Day 188 - Like Most of Congress...

A congressman was seated next to a little girl on a coast-to-coast flight when he turned to her and said,

“Let's talk. I've heard that air travel goes by quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don't know,” said the congressman. “How about global warming or universal health care,” and he smiles smugly.

“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass, yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

The congressman, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?"

 

 

Day 187 - Brilliant

Mitch walked into a bank in New York City asking for a loan for $4000 dollars.

“Well, before we lend you the money we are going to need some kind of security,” the loan officer said.

“No problem,” Mitch responded, “here are the keys to my car.  You’ll see it, it’s a black Porsche parked in the back of the parking lot.”

A few weeks later the man returned to pay off his loan. While he was paying it up, along with the interest of $11 dollars, the manager came over, “Sir, we are very happy to have your business, but if you don’t mind me asking, after you left we looked into you and found out that you are a millionaire, why would you need to borrow $4000 dollars?”

“Well,” Mitch responded, “it’s quite simple, where else can I park my car for three weeks in New York for $11 dollars?”

 

 

Day 186 - It's Deadly

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...